Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Tiny Revelations

Oh, my poor neglected blog. I keep showing up here to write something and nothing seems right. Since I was here last [a month ago?] it feels like everything in me and around me has shifted one hundred and eighty degrees. And in a good way! I feel like I'm slowly coming back to life, and as all the lights are getting turned on again, I'm seeing things I haven't seen in me before.

One week into my 365 Project [see below] I had the stunning realization that I am not a hand-letterer. Calligrapher, yes. I'd even take modern calligrapher, as that's probably more accurate. But hand-lettering is something I'll leave up to folks like Sean McCabe and Molly Jacques. I'm okay with having an unfinished 365, because that revelation was pretty priceless, and it keeps me from banging my head against a wall trying to be something I'm not.

One week into February, I had a pretty earth-shattering realization that shifted how I felt about my [shh, I hate using this phrase ...] "life purpose". It's big, guys. And I'll tell you about it soon, I'm still trying to put the right words around it. But it's been rocking my world.

Three years into a full creative burnout and I'm finally coming back to life a little. I think I have kept up the appearance of living a creative life, but I haven't been practicing a fully creative life in actuality. An unexpected hiatus has turned things around in my world, though. I quit my creative job without any prospects for a new job; I've been on interview after interview, and have had more jobs fall through my fingers than I can count. It's been harder than I realized it would be; I had no idea how much of my identity as a person and a creative came from working and actively contributing to other people's dreams and visions. Coming to the realization that I don't view my own creative vision as holding any value or worth at all was a cold, hard wakeup call. Now, months after walking away from the job that was burning me out in every way, I'm finally coming back to life a little; having actual dreams, resting my body and my brain, starting to have some real, big, thoughts and revelations. It's been a long time coming.

A tiny little post, but lots of huge changes happening around us. It feels right to document the shift as it's happening.